Staff Directory

BLAME ME, CHANGE ME

Jun 11

So when do you get so mad with yourself that you stop blaming others and start changing yourself? Weird question I know, but, as I discuss my competitiveness with others, it often comes up that it’s not about winning, it’s about having fun. Can you have fun without winning? This is a deep question that is often looked at differently based on whether or not you’re a boy or girl? Barry McDonald writes in his book “Boy Smarts” that boys are more likely to follow rules than girls. “Girls,” he states, “are more likely to change the rules of a game to include everyone whereas boys will get upset if the rules aren’t followed regardless of whose hurt.” Why is this? Why this competitive; rule orientated nature of the competitor (girl or boy)? Is it because were just looking for someone to blame if we lose? Is mere “Fun” a way out of having to worry about it? Am I just making more excuses? So often in our world, we are trained to blame others. Bad refereeing, you made me lose? Bad teacher, you failed me? Bad cop for pulling me over? Bad Phone Company for not telling me when my minutes were up? Bad everyone, because it’s their fault not mine? How many have blamed others for their mistakes (I know I certainly have). How many of us, if we had been more prepared for the situation, wouldn’t have been in the situation, and so not need to blame? If we practiced harder we wouldn’t have put the ref in the situation to call a foul…we would have made the shot to win the game. If we had studied harder, we would have passed, and teachers wouldn’t be to blame…If we didn’t speed…we wouldn’t have been pulled over…and on…and on…and on. But we blame others, because we need an out (out of trouble that is). When does this change…when does it stop? God calls us to be accountable. Can someone please tell me where in the bible God says “Blame thy neighbor for my own actions?” Can someone please tell me which one of the 10 commandments gives us permission to yell at others when we make mistakes? HEEELLLLOOOOO! Turn the other cheek doesn’t refer to yelling in both ears of people we don’t agree with, when were too selfish to do the right thing ourselves!

I remember when I was playing competitive basketball and we lost a game near the end of the year. I was mad…to mad to yell…to mad to cry…to mad to blame? Not at first, but I had a former teammate who read to me a poem called “It was only one Possesion” (Please read at the bottom for the poem) and I realized that loss could have been mine. In this case the answer soon became a resounding YES! I went to practice for the rest of the year and I pushed my teammates, yelled at them, and demanded the best of them. Were they mad? Were they upset with me? Were they concerned about my mental stability? All 3 are yes. So why did I do it? I was so mad at losing, that I knew I had to change my way of thinking if we wanted to win. I was so ticked off that I had to…wait for it…

LEAD BY EXAMPLE!

When you stop blaming others, people start looking at you to be a leader. We were the smallest school in zones, and we got 3rd. We were a winning team, something that wouldn’t have happened if we kept blaming each other for losses. So what did I learn?

1)When you stop looking for excuses, people start looking to you as a role model.
2)When you start looking at yourself, God can start to shine through your life.
3)Too mad to blame, means to humble to do it yourself.
4)To mad to blame, means realizing that God is the only one that can fix a situation.
5)To mad to blame, means that God can finally use you as a mirror to reflect his love to a generation looking to run away from its problem.

I was once told that we criticize in others the qualities we most lack in ourselves. Hello people! Criticizing will not allow us to develop those qualities! This I was told, this I believe. This is what forced me to be too mad to blame others. Since my basketball revelation, I have made an attempt to change myself when I want to blame others in other aspects of my life. Do I claim to be perfect? Heck no. Do I claim to be a philosophically sound scholar that knows it all? Heck no. Will I ever claim that this theory on life is Golden? No. What I will say is that I was to mad to blame, and it made me humble enough to change. That change translated into victories, respect, and therefore more fun. Have you tried it? Will you? My plea is that you look to Gods love, look to take responsibility, and look to solve problems, instead of blaming others for them. Please hear my call.

One Possession
By Jeff Smith


It was only one possession,
Why must my coach scream,
My poor defense permitted the basket,
But what can one hoop mean?
As the pass comes my direction,
And I fumble it into the stands,
The coach's voice rings loud and clear,
"Catch with your eyes and hands!"

C'mon coach, its a single possession,
Our team will be okay,
It's just the first two minutes,
My gosh, we got all day.

At the 2nd quarter mark I remember,
That the center is strong and stout,
A putback for two, quite simply due,
To my failure to turn and blockout.

But it was only one possession,
I didn't commit a crime,
My team is ahead and I'm playing well,
And there's still plenty of time!

As the halftime buzzer is sounding,
And I watch the ball bank in,
I know I will hear from my loving coach,
Of my questionable effort to defend.

But it was only one possession,
Coach - don't have a heart attack!
We're down by one, but were having fun,
I know we'll get the lead back!

The second half mirrors the first,
But it's early, it's not a big deal
That my failure to use a pass fake
Results in an unlikely steal.

But quickly I sink a jumper,
I'm greeted by high fives and slaps,
but the next possession I give up a layup,
while suffering mental lapse.

But its only one possession,
C'mon coach, chill out.
It's crazy to see you disgusted,
As you slap the assistant and shout.

"Victory favors the team making the fewest mistakes.
Single possessions are the key.
So treat them like gold and do as you are told.
And play with intensity."

I step to the line for one and one,
But I'm having a concentration lapse.
The ball soars through the air - Good Lord, it's a brick!
I'm afraid the support will collapse.

In post game I sit at my locker,
Pondering what more I could do.
I realize the value of each possession,
what a shame that we lost by two.